Random Recap

SOOO a little recap of my trip:

I have:

Hiked the Andes Mountains along the Chilean border
Danced with drag queens
Crossed river to Uruguay
Saw one of the 7 Natural World Wonders at Iguazu
Took a journey to Rio and Buzios, Brazil
Played with lions and tigers at the worlds most dangerous zoo
Horseback rode with gauchos and polo players across the Argentina country side
Painted a room for battered girls in a shelter
Was wined and dined by a polo player
Attempted to learn the Tango
Visited the end of the world at Ushuaia
Sat next to a famous Argentine rock band on a plane
Got a tattoo with my crazy best friend Olivia
Improved my spanish
Survived hostels
Made friends with a club promoter who gets me into my fave club for free
Made some crazy friends in hostels
Endured the rainiest year on record in Buenos Aires
Lost a lot of things
Started eating gluten again (needs to change when I return)
Made the best of living with crazy Ivette and Dissys
Have avoided getting seriously lost
Destroyed my travel sneaks (sorry coach hope we are placing a new order this year)
Blown my hair straightner
Read 12 books
Frequently visited cafes alone to relax (no shame)
Avoided and have failed to avoid aggressive Argentine men
Become a fan of salt (another thing that needs to change when I return)
Gotten my camera stolen
Made out with a Brazilian Soap Opera star-okay that was Olivia so it counts


.....10 days to go, what more can I do????

The BIG Lesson

There is just no anticipating what kinds of things will happen when you go abroad. You cannot anticipate the kinds of people you will meet, the troubles you might face and the successes you might find. It is the unknown, that had me in a panic at first. 

Everyone who knows me, knows that I do not do well with surprises and the unknown. I have a problem with patience and stress and I have had this problem since I could barely walk. 

Some very sad examples: 

I was that kid that went searching for Christmas presents weeks before the big day. 

I was that kid (okay still am) that will ask everyone the same question over and over until I get the answers I need.

 I cried every Easter because I did not want the strange bunny entering the house. I screamed until my parents promised the bunny would leave the baskets outside. 

I have puked on every holiday from getting all stressed and excited. 

Most of the time I become stressed trying to finish a book, because I feel a sense of urgency to find out what happens at the end (okay and on occassion I have been the type of person who will read the end first)

My mom admittedly did not want me to come home this summer. She thought I would just be an anxious mess in anticipation of my departure. She was surprised when my melt down never came. Even on the last night home, I slept like a baby. 

I tried to pretend like somehow I had changed and was totallllllyyy unafraid and excited about change and the unknown that was coming (I played it off like I was totally mature and worldy, and small things like leaving the country for extended periods of time was exhilerating and like wicked cool-like come on whats the big deal, everyone does it). 

I managed to play it off, until I got to the airport. I began running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Shaking, crying, and stressing. Flights got messed up (per usual, I am a jinxed traveler) and of course I was freaking out a little (okay-a lot). When I boarded the plane in Newark, I sat down and passed the hell out. Did not even need a drink or a sleeping pill. My body just shut down. For the entire 12 hour flight...I slept like a baby. The second I woke up... stomach ache, light headed, shaking hands yep that anxiety attack I had managed to suppress all summer was about to explode. And it did. 

However, as I reflect on my last three months I find it all a little funny how worried I was. Here, I feel like I have become more calm than I have in years-maybe ever. I feel like I can take on the world. When I told everyone I was coming to Argentina without a single friend or acquaintance, they told me I was crazy. Most people said that they couldn't do it. And most don't. The majority of my friends from school are studying abroad with a familiar face. I am so proud I did it, so, so proud. 

If nothing else, this journey has taught me to stop being so afraid of the unknown. It has been a huge problem for me since I was a child. I am used to getting so worked up about not knowing things. I can't quite describe the feeling, but its just an intense need and if I dont supress the need somehow, I panic. It is a need for approval, a need to be the first to know, the need to feel safe and just a general sense of knowing what will happen. I know I drive my family crazy with it and I am sure as they read this they know EXACTLY what I am talking about (and probably laughing, they think it is funny until they get caught in the middle of one of my fits). I guess I am a bit of a control freak. But I think this may have remedied some of this very weird and usually unnecessary anxiety that I usually pent up until I freak out. 

I have taken a giant leap of faith. New place, no friends, and how about that whole language thing... I definitely did not take the easy, comfortable way out on this trip. I think it was just what I needed. Just the spontaneous and unfamiliar adventure that might have naturally remedied years of stress, anxiety and up tightness. SO the purpose of this post is to apologize to mostly Mom, Dad, Michelle and Maggie   who usually get caught in the sandstorm. But I think... the sandstorm may calm down a bit when I come home. 

A Breathless Trip

I woke up this morning at 11am, and had a feeling of dread wash over me. I have less than a month left. How did this happen? I can not really tell you, but it is such a weird feeling. This whole experience has been full of ups and downs. I came here as a scared (and pretty pathetic) girl, crying hysterically, shaking for days scared out of my mind. Now here I am, finding solace walking around the city alone: unafraid. I have traveled far and wide, booking my own trips, making my own decisions and growing up (okay so I have been a tad dependent upon Big Jim and Big Al for some extra $$) none the less, totally independent. I have made mistakes, friends and gained life experience. It is so amazing how far I have come since I was crying myself to sleep the first two nights in BA. 

Part of me is ready to go home. Part of me yearns for the normalcy of training for lacrosse and working. I am excited to see all of my friends, and go college hopping  (something I have never had time for before). However, part of me is freaking out... normalcy seems so mundane now. Now that I have lived an exhilerating, fast paced, surreal lifestyle these last few months. I just want to go to fake school forever, and just live a lavish city life, booking vacations around South America, going to coffee at 11 pm on a school night, and flirtingly shamelessly with Argentine men as they twirl me around the dance floor of some of the best night clubs in the world. Who wouldn't want to do that forever? This is where the dread comes in, my fairytale life that holds little responsibility and a skewed sense of reality is quickly coming to an end, whether I like it or not. 

"Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"- Unknown 

(Thank you Mama Iorio)

I guess the full weight of this quote never hit me until I got here. I felt this feeling of my breath being taken away in the depths of the Andes Mountains, on the top of the Iguazu Falls, but nothing quite like my trip to Brazil. There isn't a moment I would like to freeze, but my whole trip. From the time our trip started when we had the idiotic idea to order an expensive bottle of wine at the airport while we waited for our severly delayed flight. All the way to our final night drinking CapriVodkas, laughing until we cried at our favorite sea side shack, while the sun set over us in Buzios, Brazil. I can't remember ever being so happy, so relaxed, and so in awe of my life. I am so lucky. Let's just say, dragging my butt to school yesterday was almost impossible. 

However, I still have one trip left!!!!!!!!!!!  I am going to Ushuia, the most southern city in the world in Patagonia in a couple weeks. This weekend I am volunteering at a battered womens shelter, then going out to the country side to build houses with a program like Habitat for Humanity for a couple of days. The next weekend I am going just north of here to the Tigre River (not pronounced Tiger, Mom), to go swimming, kayaking and you know all that outdoorsy stuff I love. Throw a couple of finals and papers in the mix, then I am home. Twenty-Nine more Dinners, as Hannah would say (and I cant say Ivette's dinners will be something I miss, the fact that I still have 29 of them left makes my stomach curl a bit). See you soon.

=)